The female: a hazard to herself? maybe.

Honestly I just want to give up on everything. I have no idea what my problem is but I have just been angry and wanting to cry. I need a vacation, a doctor, a good hardcore daily work out, I cannot take any of this anymore. School, working, working out, Ryland, Trevor, family, cleaning and me. It has all become too much. 

• My house is always messy and gross because I just don't care enough to clean it because I am always trying to study or work. 
• I do not have time to work out as often as I used to and I absolutely hate my body.
•  I have to go to school for many reasons. My son needs a great roll model and my family needs a better future. I have to prove I am smart because I am ditzy and blonde and people think I am stupid when I am not. It is societies ideas that young mothers/wives don't go to college and just be homemakers. I have to be the difference. 
• I have to work to pay the bills but all the drama and old people acting like they are 12 is pushing me away from it, I want to love my job and I used too but now I cannot wait to get off.  . 
• I have no patience for anything but Ryland. I hate customers at work because of the way they treat myself and coworkers. I am barely tolerant of my fuckin neighbors in this apartment complex. I hate admitting that it's too much! It makes me feel weak.
• I also have an ingrown toenail like really bad and I have not seen an ob/gyn since I have had ry. This makes me cry. 
• I also would like to go to church EVERY SUNDAY.

This blog is not a complaint, here are the positives:

• I have an amazing beautiful son!
• I have a husband who treats me right!
• I have free baby sitters!
• I have at least partial support of my family!
• I have a home and a job!
• I can go to college!
• I have a truck!
• I pay for everything I've got (minus phone bill and part of college)!
• I live somewhere where I know my child at least gets free state medical when needed!
• I live somewhere where major comunicatable diseases are not.
• I am physically able to do everything.
• I have freedom of religion.
• I have a roof over my family's head and clothes on our back! 
• I can afford gas! 

See? Not a complaint, just me stating how so badly I need a break. Not from my child like most people said I would before I had him. I need a break from being treated like crap by stupid customers, I need a break from homework and fear of failing, I need to get away from my messy apartment. It needs to be long enough to find a family doctor and medical insurance and still have fun and make memories. Too bad it cannot happen any time soon. I am trapped inside my head as long as I live like this which has proven to be a bad thing in the past. I just need a break :(